GTA5 "You slightly annoy me"

If you are easily offended, have a heart condition, under 14 years of age or have an IQ less than 100... than you are perfectly fine to be reading this! This is a 100% legit story about one of the best games that has ever been made; GTA 5. When it first came out 16 years ago (I was 42 years old at the time) I was the first person in line outside of Gamestop to buy GTA5. I kicked all of the whiny 12 year olds to the curb to get ahead though. And by "kicked" I mean I literally football punted their asses to the goddamn curb because I deserved the first copy and not them. So approximately 2.7736 minutes later, the one kid working there at the time opened the doors and I dove through them straight to the counter. I showed them my *100% real* pre-order proof and they gave me the game. I was so excited that I finally had my hands on the first copy, I had heard from an internet friend that IGN even rated the game 10/10! Now that's unheard of because IGN NEVER RATES ANY GAME 10/10 EVER. Soo.. anyways, I ran as fast Usain Bolt over to my car and flew right through the window into the driver's seat.

That seemed to be a bad habit of mine lately, I already had to have that window replaced 283946 times. Oh well, I guess I'll have to get it repaired for the 283947th time. I started up my car and drove recklessly back home. I got home and I totaled up my score. I hit 4 pedestrians, 2 cyclists, and 28 cars. Why do I keep a running total of this, and why haven't I been arrested for it yet? I don't know, fuck logic. So anyways I kicked my door down and ran over to my room. Shit, now I gotta get a new door. That was 389th goddamn door I've had put up now. Good thing I was filthy rich and had millions of dollars at my disposal. So anyways, I dolphin dived into my room and stuck the disc into my trusty PS2. Now, I had this PS2 for 45 years now and it was probably the best purchase I had ever made, besides this one time I bought this really good Maple Leaf Ham. That was the best fucking ham I ever had. Shit, I'm getting off track again. Okay, so I put GTA5 into my PS2 and plugged my controller into the console.

Since I had no life and no friends, I could play this game 24/7 without interruption. I got past the super swaggy looking loading screen and I was brought to a cutscene. There were three characters who referred to each other as T, M, and B. In this cutscene it showed them robbing not a Bank, but a sex shop. Clad in nothing but a G-String and a Ski Mask, M levitated to behind the counter and opened the cash register. He started pulling out a giant mass of dildos and stuffing them into a black bag. Then all the three characters (all clad in G-strings) ran to the back room and found a safe. T planted a sticky bomb on the door and blew it up. The whole safe exploded and surprisingly the cash inside was untouched despite there being fire everywhere. B walked straight into the fiery blaze and calmly picked up all of the cash, then stuffed into his ass for "safekeeping". Then the three characters walked over to the exit, but there was a guard there waiting and he grabbed M.

I was surprised at this game so far, I mean the gameplay was just flawless and the storyline was the best I've ever seen in a game before. So anyways, T had to free M from the guard. T took a giant dildo out of his bag and pulled the trigger on it. The guard flew backwards and landed on the ground, there was a huge hole in his head. And the blood was super HYPER REALISTIC. It was almost like I had witnessed a real, very strange, brutal murder on an officer of the law right in front of my face! Man, what a time to be alive! Then thee trio continued outside where they were met by an army of Gimps. The Gimps were armed to the teeth with dildo assault rifles and grenades (hey, not everything has to involve dildos you sick fuck). But luckily, M had cleared the cash register at the front of dildos so he took them out of his bag and started throwing them at the Gimps. One by one the Gimps dropped dead. Who knew that dildos were such effective weapons?

The trio ran faster than Usain Bolt towards their escape car, but B had been quickscoped by some 12 year old and was left to die. His last words were "What the fuck guys we used an ambulance for our escape veichle why didn't you just fucking use the medical supplies in there to save me?". And then as if M heard him, he said "Becuz I can do whatever the fuck I want" then he put on sunglasses and drove into the sunset with T. Wow, this certainly was the best game that I had ever played ever. I mean the story was just so good, and the graphics looked so good. You could really see the details on all the dildos and stuff of the sort. But then something totally unexpected happened. T and M fell into a fiery abyss that I assumed was the entrance to hell. They fell to the bottom and their escape vehicle exploded and burst into flames. But T and M got out unharmed.

They walked around confused for approximately 6.4837 minutes before they were confronted by the devil himself. But wait.. the devil was actually B! He looked down at T and M and said "You slightly annoy me". Then he used his fiery fists of destruction to crush them both. The game ended and I wasn't even scared, if this was a clever Rom hack that the kid at Gamestop made than I should go back and thank him for making this masterpiece. But then I got jealous and I didn't want anyone else to be able to play this game so I walked over to my toaster and put the disc in it. I put the setting for extra toasty and the disc melted. But now I had nothing to do. Suddenly, and idea popped into my head... I should go buy another door!

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