Tea by the Sea

You ever heard of Little Big Planet? It's a semi-obscure game for the PlayStation 3 console. If you haven't played it yet or watched a Let's Play or whatever, I'd turn back now.

But anyways, I picked up a copy of Little Big Planet from a Wal-Mart several months back, they don't sell very many of them anymore in retail. In fact, this Wal-mart was the only place I could get it in the entire state of Minnesota, except for ordering it online or going to a dodgy-looking garage sale or other such places. I went to this Wal-mart because I heard it carried old games. I asked the electronics customer service if they had any games left for PS3. Fortunately enough, they did, some teenager in a blue jacket lead me back to a big basket filled with games for PS3, original Xbox, and even a few Nintendo 64 games. I was looking for a copy of Little Big Planet, cause I heard it was interesting and wanted to try it out for myself before playing the sequels, which I already owned but never played. I played it at my friend Josh's house a couple years back, it seemed cool enough, but was a bit childish. The game was on discount, 60% off, along with all of the other old games. 5.99 didn't seem too bad. I purchased the game, the teenager told me however, that this was the 'special edition'. He said that it had some 'things' in it... He didn't mention what kind of 'things', but he seemed the smallest bit worried. I got in my car and picked up some food from the nearest Wendy's and went back home to play.

I popped out the game I was playing earlier, and put in Little Big Planet, with the big-eyed Sackboy, the text 'Special Edition' under the logo, but I looked at box art for the game online, and something seemed a bit off... I couldn't tell you what. The PS3 booted up when it sensed the click of the eject button. I turned on my small television, set the input to HDMI2, which was my PS3 input, and clicked the little icon on screen.

I am greeted to a black loading screen, which faded away shortly. I sat through a boring introduction cutscene, and got thrust directly into the action. I spawned in a black room, with my friend and link into this game, Sackboy. And the narrator started speaking. "On LittleBigPlanet, your a little Sackperson. This one is you. Oh bless, your quite a cute one." I spoke to my television set, "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Stephen Fry, the narrator continued. "To move around, use the Left Stick." So I did, I wandered to the right of the little screen of my television, but could not reach it. Instead, my little Sackfriend located a hill until I came over to a light-bulb shaped object. And the level lighted up. I continued to the right, while Stephen Fry taught me the basics of movement and other various important techniques and introducing who created the game. I cared little for this level, and eventually made my way to the end. Half-way through this level however, I tried to decorate my Sackperson, as one of the tutorials said to do. Although, the only item I had in my Change Costume inventory, was the default skin. I attempted to change to the stickers menu, and only found a sticker of a star that you shouldn't unlock until the last level of the Gardens, and the Popit Cursor. Strange, I thought to myself.

I got teleported to a space-ship known as the pod afterwards. And from here, I could use the Pod Computer, which gave me entire access to LittleBigPlanet.The Narrator, Stephen Fry went on and on about stuff I could care less about, I already knew how to control the game, and select levels and crap. He just needed to shut up. I completed the Gardens easily, and got access to the moon and the next chapter, which was supposed to be The Savannah theme, but instead I got a theme of The Harbor. Huh? I have never heard of a chapter of this nature. Stephen Fry seemed awfully quiet. Unnaturally quiet. I checked the internet for this chapter and found only sketchy forums that every link they posted was scareware about other games. I thought that this was what was added in the 'Special Edition' that wasn't in other copies, it just seemed odd that I couldn't find anything about it online. And I'd soon find why.

I hopped into the chapter, and there was only one level unlocked, like normal. It was called The English Seaside. I spawned inside of the submarine that The King had at the end of Skate to Victory. I was floating on some water-like object. When I jumped into it, Sackboy's gas animation occured. So I assumed beneath the water was gas. I eventually made it to the shore, and was greeted by a cardboard figure named Gallina Passusfrigo. (How do I even remember that name?) Anyways, the background was that of a beach. And Gallina told me that she needed my help, and that a mermaid had turned the water supply into blood. "Weird, I thought this was a kid's game." I said to myself, but I pushed forwards, but not before taking a look at the box. I swore it said E for everyone, but when I looked back at it, it was rated T for Teen. My brain must have been pulling tricks on me. Or so I thought.I hopped aboard a boat, seeing the water objects around me get slightly red. As I continued on, fish started popping up back-flat on the water. The song named Tea by the Sea playing in the background. I was playing during a storm, which is never a good idea, but I did anyway, so I had minor blackouts that somehow didn't turn off the PS3. "How long is this boat section?" I thought to myself. As soon as I thought that, I approached a ridge and saw a piece of logic that looked like a globe. As soon as I approached it, the sky turned from a bright blue, to a dark, navy purple. I continued walking, red paint stains scattered around the water, sackpeople spawned, looking rather worried, and other stuff. Eventually, another boat sequence occured. And the last thing I saw before the level ended, was the shadow of a sack-person stitched onto a fish. The level blacked out, like the introduction level did. I was teleported to the pod. Another level was unlocked, English Genoside. I knew that this wasn't how you spelled genocide, so I went along with it being a pun on words, and I hopped in.

It was raining blood from the red sky, carcasses of sackpeople around. But although, virtually the same level as English seaside. Except Gallina was replaced by a character named Scriba Malitia, who was dressed in a black cloak. Scriba said the words 'call of the end' with no gibberish voice, which was creepy. Tea of the Sea was sped up and reversed constantly, until it was simply white noise. The boat segments lasted longer, and passed by blocks of dark matter with prize bubbles hanging above them, emitters with bombs, sackpeople's heads popping infront of me, sharks hanging by string, and other random things. Eventually getting to the shore, with a mountain of prize bubbles and another boat section with other various mediocre crap collections. Eventually I came to a mountain of useless piles of stuff being gnawed apart by other sackpeople. And I got a bit closer to the mermaid before it cut out. Yet another level was unlocked, English Orbicide. I wanted to see where this was going next, so I jumped into the level.

The submarine was covered in blue and grey sludge, the shore was covered in red carcasses of sackpeople, with hearts ripped out, Salacemi Troglonolens. the replacement of Scriba and Gallina was lying in a pool of blood, with entrails hanging out. The words 'end of this world' coming out of her mouth, lying next to her in her blood, entangling her, strangling her, devouring her and leaving behind a heart, which a dark-hooded sackperson came to and scooped into a basket filled with other hearts. Realistic looking hearts, not just the cartoony two balls and a cone. No, cylindrical objects with tubes flowing out, covered in a red liquid. Some of them were still bleeding. I tried to turn my PS3 off. But my PS3 was not there. It was replaced by a block of what looked like dark matter, with a prize bubble-like object slightly above it. I tried to go to bed. My dreams were gone, I couldn't. The game was still running in the back, the clock was whirling around at speeds unprecedented to man. My arms turning brown and fabric like. My eyes, black abysses, with small white specks of light reflecting off. Who was I? "Wake up." I told myself. "Wake up." "WAKE UP." But I couldn't. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't awaken, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sit, I couldn't pick up my controller, it just rested upon the ground. I couldn't fall, I could only grab certain objects, but I had no capability to lift them. I walked over to the PS3, I had to end this. I needed to put a stop to this. The harvest, the destruction. Somehow, I felt more attached to this game than I had ever, and played better than anyone I know. But I couldn't beat it.

The world started to crumble. The dreamworld started to crumble. Destruction. And the men in black approached. My heart was sucked from my body. My essence, my creativity. Gone, I am reduced to one of them. They who have none, create none, play none. They are drones of destruction. I am now one. I warn you. Please do not approach us. I now know what this means. The Death of Creativity, of Imagination, of what makes us human. (Or sackperson.) I have none of these anymore. Stay far, far away from me. And do not pick up a copy, of Little Big Planet in 2017-18. It's gone. We've enslaved it.

Little potential, overuse, bugs and glitches crawling down your spine.

LittleBigPlanet is dead.

And I had a part in it.

I'm sorry.

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