The /x/ Pasta Collection

A collection of very short fictional stories that were all uploaded to /x/ in early 2007. As they're not really worth uploading as their own individual pages, we've decided to make this page to host them instead. The majority of these aren't available anywhere else online, or are difficult to find.

Creepypastas

Coke

The secret ingredient in Coke isn't known even to its creator. Supposedly the guy who invented Coke made a deal with a demon-possessed guy—the demon puts in a final ingredient, one that will be in all Cokes ever made until the End Times, and the guy's product will outlast his own life. They're making so many new kinds of Coke because the secret ingredient, whatever it is, isn't showing up anymore. They're trying to mask the taste.

Frame 666

The 666th frame of every Halloween-themed movie, cartoon, or TV special depicts a basement with a corpse moldering in the corner; these frames are often removed from the final film, but one can find them on occasion. If you were to put the frames together, in chronological order of the release of the film it comes from, a short film is revealed. The film depicts the corpse's violent death in reverse. The final frame will be a picture of yourself, sitting before your tv, viewing the final frame of the film.

Swiss Francs

If you take any Swiss Franc note and expose it to microwaves, it will curl up and ignite. Once it's cooled down, you'll find a fine powder that, when ingested, will kill you painlessly. A 10 franc note has enough poison to kill a family of four.

The Graveyard

At a graveyard in Baltimore, there's a life-sized statue of a woman sitting on a bench, looking sorrowful and having her arms outstretched. Her name was Agnes. If you sit in her lap from dawn until dusk on any ordinary night, nothing will happen. However, if you try it on a night where the moon is full, you will die. Aggie has a superhuman grip, and she will keep you locked in her arms until you die. And the expression of sorrow will be replaced by one of triumph.

Antarctic Ice

The Antarctic ice only reaches some 800 km inland. After that is a slowly rising plain of volcanic gravel swept by gravity-driven winds from the hub of the conical continent, on top of which is the true South Pole. No satellite images exist of the ice-free inland. The pics you see are either stretched from existing photos (such as the one in Google Earth) or photoshopped.

Ashes

The ashes of the guitar burned by Jimi Hendrix at the 1967 Monterey Pop Festival were saved by a stage technician and passed along to "The Legion", a sect of the Hell's Angels which practiced ritual magick. The ashes were mixed with blood and clay and formed into a talisman with the rough appearance of a wolf. Possession of the talisman confers upon its hold numerous talents, including telepathy, precognition, enhanced strength, and prodigious sexual prowess. It is legend among cycle clubs and gangs to this day that the world will end when the talisman is broken.

The Bas-Relief

Every 23,375 days, exactly at 12:04PM (at exactly 64 equal rotations of the planet) at zero degrees latitude, and zero degrees longitude, the tide of the ocean will suddenly drop, a building roughly the size of three city blocks, covered with bas reliefs will rise suddenly from the depths. This building will then begin to sink immediately, and will submerge completely within 2 minutes. According the eyewitness accounts, the reliefs depict certain famous events in human history, including events that had not yet happened.

Mt. Rushmore

If you knew what Mount Rushmore really was you wouldn't have turned it into a tourist attraction. You probably couldn't go near it without vomiting.

The World's Real Colors

When you stare at something too long, and you look away, and you see those weird splotchy pigments—y'know what I mean? When you do that, you're seeing the real colors of the world. Our eyes filter that head-burning nightmare into something more pleasant... well, usually.

ICU

There's a man in the ICU of a Chinese Hospital. He's been there for as long as the nurses and doctors can imagine but only one nurse ever sees him and guards are posted at his door 24/7. He looks old but his eyes look young, he's restrained and gagged. Though he never talks and at the first opportunity he'll try to escape the hospital. But whenever he's asked any question he always writes his answer "3200... 3200...3200... 3200..."

Gravity

When you live in a bright place, you get used to light, and it starts affecting you less. When you live in a dark place, you get used to dark, and it starts affecting you less. When you live in a violent place, you get used to violence, and it starts affecting you less. And when you skydive enough, you get used to gravity, and it starts affecting you less. This is nowhere near as pleasant as it sounds.

Orchestra

If a full symphony orchestra all plays the note A-440 perfectly in tune to each other, for at least an hour, time will begin to slow down by fractions of a second. Sound from the orchestra will begin transforming into light energy, and every memory in time that has ever existed at that spot will transfer to everyone present.

Dentists

A few elite dentists keep the fragments of anything they extract and sometimes trade certain specimens for ritual purposes. These rituals can make the caster stronger, tougher, faster, smarter, or more spiritually powerful. Why do you think they're always saying you should get your wisdom teeth pulled?

Wax Apple

There is in fact that a single small wax apple that stars in most still life paintings that are made in Manhattan. On the morning of September 11, 2000, someone accidentally took a bite out of it. A year later to the hour, the first plane hit the twin towers.

Stone Room

If you spend enough time underground, whether it's caves, mines, sewers, or anything of similar depth, you might come across an apparently manmade stone room. Symbols that you can recognize but not consciously understand cover the walls. You'll find that you can rearrange them by willing it. This only works if you have complete confidence that the symbols will move and you don't have an especially strong desire to move them. Keep at it long enough and their meaning will be clear. Learn what you will but always let the room keep one of its secrets.

Trollpastas

Monopoly

The monopoly stubs you get at McDonald's have special magnets in them so whenever you're missing just one of the pieces you'll never find it because it's magnetically repelling you.

Blue M&Ms

Before they added the blue colored M&Ms, you could eat the other colors in the right order and gain a magical charge.

Crop Circles

Crop circles? Aliens don't make crop circles. People make crop circles. Crop circles are the interstellar road sign saying DON'T BOTHER. Otherwise, the aliens would've landed a long time ago.

Uranus

Painting the Astrological symbol for Uranus on a car's hood, using the blood of a man who was not nursed on his biological mother's milk as an infant, will cause that car to be struck by lightning inside of a week.

Electric Animals

You can use a real mouse in place of a computer mouse, if you don't mind getting scratched and bitten a lot. All machines we have are based on the properties of animals on earth, and the animals can fill those rolls very easily. Electric Eels, for example, make great radios.

The Urn

A certain Chinese vase contains the spirit of Ghengis Khan. The warrior spirit contained in the vase causes it to materialize in the nearby location of certain fights between good guys and bad guys. Unfortunately, the vase is always humorously almost knocked over by the bad guys, forcing the good guy to play a strange game of trying to keep the vase from breaking. the hero does this because they know that if the spirit is ever released, it will punish the world for continually using it as a comic prop.

The Apocalypse

The whole "and the cow jumped over the moon" song/nursery rhyme is in fact an early interpretation of an apocalyptic prophesy, all of the events in the song are metaphors for what will lead to the end of the world except for the bit about the fork running away with the spoon. All the spoons and forks of the world will disappear on the penultimate night, along will all the dinner plates and mechanical egg whisks.

Vases

Vases are in fact little psychic dampeners that stop flowers from secretly controlling mankind, people who spend too much time in the out doors near unvased flowers eventually become eco-terrorists designed to soften up mankind for the day when the flowers make their move.

Circumcision

Circumcision is an ancient practice designed to render men immune to becoming werewolves. The first part of the body that changes during a lycanthropic transformation is the genitalia, so, if enough skin can be removed that the PENIS cannot safely sink back into the body, you will be left safe... but will have an erection all full-moon long.

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