The Man With the Invisible Ponytail
Once when I was young, I visited an underground metal club, to listen to some true black metal. As I waited for the band to begin playing, I looked around me, and saw numerous guys who looked a lot like me, dressed in black, with long greasy ponytails obscuring the epic tales about goblins and vikings on the back of their black T-shirts.
One guy was different however. He stood a bit by himself, in a corner of the room. He looked like the rest of us, except for one thing: He didn't seem to have a ponytail. As the band was playing, the room got crowded, but he remained by himself. I decided to leave the crowd and move behind him, as someone in the crowd was passing gas.
Then, as the blast beats began, the crowd began to headbang. Now, I was fine with that, but I noticed something odd. The man without a ponytail who stood in front of me began to headbang too, but as he whipped his head back, I could swear I felt a layer of greasy hair smashing into my face, ejaculating a mixture of beer, sweat and dandruff in the process.
After the band finished playing, I walked up to the bar. I ordered a beer, he asked me if I liked the band, so we talked for a bit, until I brought up this strange experience. "I stood behind this guy in the crowd who didn't have a ponytail, but I swear it felt as if every time he banged his head up and down, I could feel the hair smash into my face..." I said to him.
The man behind the bar got a pale face and looked at me with fear in his eyes. "That's Joe. One of my favorite customers, he used to come here every week, until one day, he got into a fight. Someone mistook his avant-garde metal shirt for a System of a Down shirt and it led to an argument. He ended up being punched to the ground, after which the instigator cut off his ponytaul. Before he bled to death, he declared that the next person who dares to touch his ponytail will die a painful death in the same club where he lost his life." I began to stutter. "No!!! T-t-t-this can't be!" I hurried out of the club.
Two weeks later my mom forced me to get a haircut because I had to visit my grandmother's funeral. I got a girlfriend not much later and spent my Friday nights dancing to synthpop with her instead. Last thing I heard I think was the club got struck by lightning and the guys there just simply thought of me as a poser and invented the invisible ponytail story to scare me off.
Credited to achjapuntdrie
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