The Misadventures of John Wick, Doom Slayer, and The Punisher (Spinoff Trollpasta)
Hello, our names are John Wick, Doom Slayer, and The Punisher. We are 3 vigilantes and best friends looking for somewhere to crash house you know?
We are telling this story because a bunch of weird and crazy stuff happened over the weekend when we went traveling to different places like the United States, and Japan. So. the first story involved us in the U.S. in Iowa.
when we got there. We encountered the Slipknot crew. Including Corey Taylor, Mick Thompson, and the rest of the band members. When we went up to Corey and the Slipknot crew. Corey asked what are we doing here?
We told him and the rest of the Slipknot crew our names. Which were John Wick, Doom Slayer, and The Punisher. we have an important mission that we want to try and tackle. Corey Taylor and the Slipknot crew said to us that they needed help with solving the disappearance of a man by the name of "Akira Fudo" Corey then revealed that he was last seen near the local bar that is called "The Winking Skeever"
that specific name of the bar was oddly the name of a Tavern in "The Elder Scrolls 5 Skyrim" Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I headed to The Winking Skeever along with Corey Taylor and the rest of the Slipknot crew. When we all entered the bar. We all saw a bunch of people that were in the bar.
Those people included Guts The Black Swordsman from Beserk, Zuko from Avatar The Last Airbender, Jeff from HuniePop Newly Single, Vincent Brooks from Catherine, which Vincent Brooks was asleep on the bar table. and Shuu from Me! Me! Me!.
We all were wondering why those people were there and we wanted to ask if they have seen Akira Fudo anywhere regarding his "disappearance" suddenly the bartender asked us if we wanted a drink. The bartender was none other than Space Voyager 1701. Space Voyager told us that he doesn't drink.
But he was hired to be a bartender in Iowa because they don't pay much at all in California. He revealed to us that people are going homeless on the streets in California as well. So he moved out of his parent's house to get away from his "home life"
Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and The Slipknot crew and I asked what he meant by "home life" Space Voyager said that it was a very personal matter and he didn't want to talk about it. After Space Voyager said that. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and The Slipknot crew asked if he or the rest of the people in the bar have seen a man named "Akira Fudo" in Space Voyager's bar named after the Skyrim location. When Corey Taylor pulled up the image of Akira Fudo. Space Voyager was shocked.
he said "Akira came in here a couple of days ago. He had this look on his face that felt like he was being watched" when Doom Slayer, The Punisher, Corey Taylor, the rest of the Slipknot crew, and I were told about Akira by Space Voyager. Needless to say. We were all shocked. We decided to ask the bar patrons some questions about where they might've seen Akira.
We first asked Guts The Black Swordsman. Guts then said that he saw Akira. But he didn't pay attention to what Akira was doing. We then asked Zuko if he saw Akira. Zuko then said that Akira was acting strange. Like something was going on. We kept what Zuko said in mind. We asked Jeff if he saw Akira.
Jeff said that he was too drunk to notice what was going on. Plus he was going through a lot. Similar to his buddy Shuu who was sitting near him. Lastly, we asked Shuu if he saw Akira and if Akira was acting strange. Shuu then said that he was indeed acting strange. But Shuu saw that he was leaving the bar with a woman following him with Violet hair, medium sized-breasts, and purple eyes.
Doom Slayer, The Punisher, Corey Taylor, The Slipknot Crew, and I went back to Space Voyager and we all asked him about the woman with violet hair, medium sized-breasts, and purple eyes. Space Voyager's face then turned pale. He then said that "woman" mentioned by Shuu.
was actually from a certain H-Anime series by the name of "Taimanin Asagi" and Space Voyager said that what the woman did in that series was horrible. He revealed that her name is "Oboro" and she's a highly dangerous criminal.
The Punisher revealed to Space Voyager that he worked on her case before in Tokyo, Japan with a man by the name of "Nick" and The Punisher revealed to Corey Taylor, The Slipknot crew, Doom Slayer, and I. that Nick killed Oboro with his katana that he found in a store in Tokyo, Japan. Needless to say.
Everyone including Corey Taylor, The Slipknot crew, Doom Slayer, and I were speechless. Corey and the rest of the SlipKnot crew then said to us that they needed to part ways for now because they have a concert tour coming up. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I said goodbye for now and it was nice meeting them. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I then booked a flight to Tokyo, Japan. We waited 24 hours on the plane. We rested in separate V.I.P. bedrooms for us to sleep in until we get there. I then woke up to the sound of a southern man yelling that he wanted to watch Japanese Adult Videos on the TV in one of the rooms. When Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I heard the commotion to see who it was.
It was none other than "Billy Bob Tanley" the YouTube reactor. He was yelling at the flight attendant that he wanted to watch JAV videos because he was "Horny" and that he liked "Asian Women" which ironically enough. He said that in one of his reaction videos the YTP that was made out of him.
made him look like a bad person when he actually wasn't. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I were quite unsurprised that Billy Bob Tanley would say this to the flight attendant after Billy Bob Tanley had been screaming and ranting at the flight attendant for hours.
He has been kicked off the flight to Japan. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I then went back to sleep after what had transpired. After a 24-hour rest. We finally arrived in Tokyo, Japan to look for Akira Fudo and this "Oboro" woman to see where they both went. We first headed to this Ramen noodle shop that was nearby. When we entered the ramen noodle shop. We saw a group of women interacting with a demon man with dark fringed hair, sideburns, yellow and red glowing eyes, and a buff and bulky build.
The main woman that seemed to be the closest to the demon man was wearing a crown on her head, spiked arm bracers, bright blue eyes, a blonde ponytail, a black dress, and a turtle shell on her back. When Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I went up to the demon man and the woman with the crown on her head. They introduced themselves to us as "Seth The Incubus" and "Bowsette"
and the 5 women introduced themselves as Honoka, Imp-Tan, Hell Knight Ingrid, Kung Fu Girl, and Shura.
Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I were wondering if they have seen a man named "Akira Fudo" wandering around in Tokyo, Japan. With a woman named Oboro with violet hair, medium sized-breasts, and purple eyes. Everyone didn't know what I was talking about except Hell Knight Ingrid. She asked if Doom Slayer, The Punisher, Herself, and I could talk in the back of the store for more info. We said yes.
When Doom Slayer, The Punisher, Hell Knight Ingrid, and I went to the back of the store. She revealed to us that Oboro is an arch-nemesis to a woman named Asagi Igawa. And she attempted to kidnap Asagi and her sister Sakura Igawa multiple times. But failed.
Hell Knight Ingrid said that she will tell the others that she is going to direct us to Asagi Igawa's complex. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I were directed by Hell Knight Ingrid to Asagi's complex which was near the local high school, down the alleyway, and to the right. We thanked Hell Knight Ingrid for her kind gesture for pointing us on the way to Asagi's complex.
we then headed off to Asagi's complex. When we got to the high school. We saw a woman with red eyes, elven-shaped ears, spiky red hair, a blue tracksuit, and a busty chest. her tracksuit looked like a tracksuit from "Squid Game" The Punisher then noticed the name tag on her tracksuit. It said, "Mari Setogaya" which ironically enough.
She was from an H-Anime named "Itadaki! Seieki" luckily Mari didn't notice us. She just walked away without seeming to look back. But once we arrived in the dark alley. We saw something rather... Well... shocking, to say the least... for some reason.
Billy Bob Tanley from the flight that we boarded earlier was in the dark alley with a woman with a tan coat, long black hair, white eyes, and a mask on her face. I then recognized who that woman was. It was none other than The "Kuchisake Onna"
I felt a horrible feeling in my gut that didn't sit right. Billy Bob Tanley turned around and he saw "The Kuchisake Onna," Billy Bob Tanley said to her in a southern accent "Wow. you're a pretty girl. You are Asian too.." she then said without hesitation to Billy Bob Tanley "Am I pretty?" Billy Bob Tanley then said in response to what "The Kuchisake Onna" said to him. "Of course you are. You are a pretty Asian girl" all of that was pushed aside when "The Kuchisake Onna" took off her mask. And she revealed a slit across her mouth.
Billy Bob Tanley then reacted in shock "AGH!!! WHY DOES YOUR MOUTH LOOK LIKE THAT?!" The Kuchisake Onna then pulled out a pair of "Scissors" she then attempted to stab and kill Billy Bob Tanley with her "Scissors" but we then heard a loud "BOOM" from a distance. We then saw a man with glowing blue hair, white gloves, a green shirt, red pants, white padded shoes, and a tiny beard scruff on his chin. It was none other than "Ultra Instinct Shaggy"
Ultra Instinct Shaggy then ran at "The Kuchisake Onna" with full speed and force knocking her to the ground. Ultra Instinct Shaggy then picked her up by the neck and he said, "Like Man.. you try to hurt my friends, then you are going to make me use 1.0000% of my power!"
Ultra Instinct Shaggy then flicked "The Kuchisake Onna" into Outer Space causing a black hole to suck her into another dimension. Billy Bob Tanley then reacted with shock to what Ultra Instinct Shaggy did. he said "I need a beer" Billy Bob Tanley then walked to the nearest bar in town that night. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I then asked Ultra Instinct Shaggy what he was doing in Japan this late at night? Ultra Instinct Shaggy then replied to our question and said "like man... I wanted to see what you guys were up to. Because I heard you guys were in Japan from a good friend of mine."
Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I said that we were in Japan because we needed to find our good friend Akira Fudo. because he went missing recently. Ultra Instinct Shaggy wished us good luck on our mission to find Akira Fudo.
Ultra Instinct Shaggy then flew away to Outer Space to speak with the gods of the other dimensions about helping out other universes. When Ultra Instinct Shaggy left. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I headed towards Asagi Igawa's complex.
When we got there, we rang Asagi's doorbell on the complex door. Asagi then opened the door and she was wondering who we all were. We introduced ourselves as John Wick, Doom Slayer, and The Punisher and we wanted to ask her a couple of questions regarding the disappearance of our good friend Akira Fudo. Asagi then asked if we wanted to come inside the complex and talk about what happened with Akira Fudo.
We said of course. Asagi then introduced us to her sister Sakura Igawa. She was very welcoming similar to Asagi. But Sakura was very tomboy-ish. Asagi and Sakura wanted to know why we were here for Akira Fudo. we all then said to Asagi and Sakura that we were here for him because we got a lead from one of our good friends back in the U.S. which was Corey Taylor, the Slipknot crew, and Space Voyager 1701.
Asagi and Sakura were shocked to hear the name Space Voyager 1701. Because they encountered him when he was in High School. When Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I asked how did you guys meet Space Voyager 1701 in High School. Asagi and Sakura revealed that they didn't want us to know.
Because Space Voyager went through something in High School that left him with minor PTSD. but Space Voyager eventually recovered over time. After Asagi and Sakura said what they said. We then revealed the supposed "prime suspect" behind Akira Fudo's disappearance.
Which is their main rival and arch-nemesis "Oboro" Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I told Asagi and Sakura Igawa that Oboro was also involved with a case that The Punisher solved in the past. The case was about a man with a white suit that was worth $3.000. Nick looked like a member of the Yakuza. Or at least had connections with them.
Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I then asked Asagi and Sakura any questions about Akira Fudo. and if they have seen him. Asagi and Sakura then gave us some equipment for the battle with Oboro. They both gave us ninja swords, medkits, and power-ups. For some reason, Asagi had her gaze on The Punisher. Which was the look of her falling in love I guess? The Punisher didn't notice Asagi was looking at him in a loving way because he was writing down the locations we needed to go to. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I then told Asagi and Sakura that we will be back soon after we defeat Oboro.
Asagi still had that loving gaze on her face at The Punisher. But surprisingly The Punisher still didn't notice. We then left The Igawa Estate and Complex. We then headed toward Tokyo. We headed to this business office which was owned by Charlie Brown, and An Asian Businessman named "Jin"
when Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I entered. It was filled with people from The Shadow Reader Community. People like The Dark Author, Cerato Crusader, Protector Of The Shadow Reader A.K.A. Luna Protector, Meet Billy, and heck. Even Alik Stansberry was there planting a Strawberry plant in the greenhouse area of the business office.
They all then noticed us going to the entrance of the door. Luna Protector then asked Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I what we were doing here? We then said that we were looking for a man by the name of Akira Fudo. and if he entered this business space. Luna Protector didn't know what I was talking about.
But she said that she would lead us to the Vice CEO of the Business office. Because Charlie Brown and The Asian Businessman known as "Jin" were on a business trip for a couple of days.
Luna Protector then opened the Vice CEO's door. And the Vice CEO was none other than The Shadow Reader himself. Shadow was wondering who we were and why are we in his office? Luna Protector then whispered in Shadow's ear. when she whispered about Akira Fudo in his ear. Shadow's eyes grew wide and he had a disturbed look on his face.
Shadow then told us to please sit down. We then sat down and Shadow Reader said "Well.. I see you have a missing person's report on your hands. Ever since a certain pink starfish got retired from my videos as well as me kicking him out of my house and sending him back to Bikini Bottom. Life has been better for me. Surprisingly. A couple of days ago I got to see my siblings again. The ones that got taken away from me when a certain incident that I will not disclose because it pains me to even talk about it.
But anyway. Enough of me bickering. You have a missing person's report regarding a man by the name of Akira Fudo from The 1972 Anime Adaption of DevilMan. But here's the thing about this particular missing person's report. I remember seeing a man that matched his description outside our building. and he was walking weirdly. Like he was mind controlled.
Look, I don't know who did this to Akira. But the person who did that to him will have another thing coming. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I then said thank you to The Shadow Reader for the information that he just revealed to us.
Luna Protector then burst in the door. And she was panicking. Shadow Reader was confused at what was going on. But Luna said that outside the building. There was this portal to "The Chaos Arena" which was from the Taimanin Universe. But she said it was up to Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I to enter the portal and stop what was going on. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I said thanks to Luna Protector for telling us about what was going on outside.
Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I then parted ways with The Shadow Reader Community for now. We then jumped into the portal. Which was colored red. When we entered the portal. The three of us saw that in the crowd of The Chaos Arena there were Orcs, Demons, and Onis in the crowd.
But in the center was Akira Fudo chained up. With Oboro in the center putting an evil spell on him. But we then interrupted the evil spell by walking into The Chaos Arena. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I then charged at Oboro with full force with "All They Fear Is You" from the Doom OST playing.
Oboro was knocked up into the air 360 degrees. Suddenly, Shura from Soul Calibur 4 appeared and she asked if she can help us out. We then said yes. We would like to have a temporary member of our team. Shura then gave us each high fives.
Doom Slayer, The Punisher, I, and the temporary recruited member "Shura" then took the chains off of Akira Fudo. and we told Shura to take him somewhere safe. Shura suggested her Japanese Dojo which was in Suwa, Japan to be a good safe zone.
We all approved for Shura to take Akira to her dojo. Before Shura left. Shura actually revealed to us the reason she came here. Is that she also heard about the kidnapping of Akira Fudo from another source. she also had to take care of her young daughter at home. Her name is Candice The Ghost from the Seether and Infected Mushroom album covers. Shura headed off with Akira Fudo on her shoulders. Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I then went up to Oboro.
And she yelled I'M GOING TO GET YOU ASAGI!" before her head was blasted off with Doom Slayer's BFG. suddenly. After Doom Slayer did that. All the Orcs, Demons, and Onis got killed by a massive explosion. We then looked up and we saw Shadow Reader, Luna Protector, The Dark Author, and the rest of The Shadow Reader Community from the business office in a rescue helicopter with Alik Stansberry throwing Explosive Strawberry Bombs into the crowd of monsters that he made in his spare time. Shadow Reader then said to us to hurry up and get in. we all got in the helicopter and we then left The Chaos Arena with The Chaos Arena being detonated to explode to smithereens.
Shadow Reader asked if we were ok. We said yes. Shadow Reader revealed that they found another way to get into this world. There was a secret passageway deep in the Subway Stations of Tokyo that lead to The Chaos Arena surprisingly enough.
When we got back to the Business Office that Charlie Brown, The Asian Businessman known as Jin, and The Shadow Reader owned. We all headed inside the Business Office. We then saw a bunch of people that were invited over to celebrate the good deed that Doom Slayer, The Punisher, and I did.
The people included Postal Dude, Not Important from Hatred, Reiko Hinomoto, Nick from Left 4 Dead, Kiryu Kazuma from the Yakuza series of games, Soria from Unreal Tournament, Rachel from Ninja Gaiden, Honoka from Dead Or Alive, and The Anti-Lolicon Bunch Speakonia Group that included Chris Hansen as the leader, as well as Zeronx Lighten as the co-leader of the group.
We all had a good time at the party. We had Ice-Cream, we played Board Games, and we even got to play a rather obscure EA Sports boxing game by the name of EA Sports FaceBreaker. And Reiko Hinomoto somehow found a way to actually mod the game using a Modded Xbox 360. Which was a huge achievement in gaming history.
After the party was over. Everyone said their goodbyes and we headed back to The Igawa Estate & Complex. When we opened the door. We saw Asagi and Sakura playing their Xbox One X on their TV. as well as Asagi chatting with Seth The Incubus and Bowsette on Steam. We then got a call from Shura. When we answered the call. Shura said that Akira Fudo is resting in the guest bed in her Dojo in Suwa, Japan.
And she said that he will make a full recovery soon. We said thank you to Shura and we hung up. After that happened. Asagi offered to give The Punisher a bath. The Punisher was in shock to hear those words come out of Asagi's mouth. The Punisher said to Asagi that he needed a bath. But he was in grief and despair after the events that happened to his previous wife and child. Similar to another fellow by the name of "Max Payne" that went through the same thing. And that he felt like having a woman to keep him happy would make his day a lot better. Asagi completely understood what The Punisher said. she gave him a towel, and soap for him to wash with. The Punisher then headed to the washroom to take a bath with Asagi heading inside the washroom with him. After a couple of minutes. The Punisher then came out of the bath with Asagi putting her arms around The Punisher's waist. It seemed like they liked each other for some reason. For someone like Asagi. It wouldn't be out of character for her to like The Punisher. He was one of the men who saved her life from Oboro as well as Akira Fudo's life from danger...
"We are heroes tonight
We will fly above the sky
We are heroes tonight, yeah"
Heroes Tonight
Janji
2015
Credited to Seth Bayona
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